Smoking Quotes and Sayings: I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. Smoking helps in. Monday is not a fun day. Unless you’re a weirdo. But that is beside the point. Here are some funny monday quotes and sayings to start your week off as good as possible. Motivational fitness quotes can inspire you to take positive action in your life. Below you will find 200 quotes you can use to help you reach your goals. Subscribe to Print: Subscribe at a GREAT price! Get a print subscription to Reader's Digest and instantly enjoy free digital access on any device. Psychology > Quotes > Motivate. Motivational Quotes. This collection of quotes are about pushing through the hard times, to keep you going when the going gets tough. 138 Funny Sayings And One Liners To Tickle Your Funny Bone. Alcohol Quotes and Sayings: If the ocean was vodka and I was a duck I’d swim to the bottom and never come up. But the ocean’s not vodka and I am not a duck. Funny Sayings And One Liners To Tickle Your Funny Bone. Inspiration. It doesn’t take Albert Einstein to figure out that everyone loves to laugh and hear some funny sayings every now and then, and your blog readers are no different. In fact, the genius himself had a quirky sense of humor. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. ![]() THAT’S relativity.! Support your right to bare arms!? When you swerve to miss a tree then realize it was your air- freshener. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Now he’s gone. Just never his own. When you’re wrong, no one forgets. I jump off next Tuesday.? Funny Tuesday quotes - 1. People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. Read more quotes and sayings about Funny Tuesday. Well get ready because I’m about to be GORGEOUS. Creationists have certainty without any proof. I’m not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?? Well, look at you living and shit. Which way did you come in? My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means *put down*. All I need now is money. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes. If you don’t mind, age don’t matter. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate interest. Every time I see food, I eat it. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station. After marriage, the *Y* becomes silent. It’s not a phobia. You’re not scared. You’re an asshole. Cry and the world laughs harder. I’ve lost three days already. Statistics show that people who have the most, live the longest. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. I enjoy every minute of it. Today isn’t your day. Could you please try be more closed- mouthed. Even More Funny One Liners. My son fell out of a tree in the backyard! Should I call 9. 11 or post it on Facebook first? War determines who’s left. Guess Which Days. They know how to take orders. Neither one works. I would have thought the obvious one was *Shout For Help*. But then again, so are thunder and lightning. What a list! I hope you enjoyed each and every one of these funny sayings and don’t forget to share this article. Funny Fitness Quotes. I always say that going to the gym should be fun for having fun is the key to sticking with any exercise program. Ernie Medina says that fun is the most important ingredient in fitness. There are many ways to get motivated but nothing makes things as easy as a dose of humor can. If workout is fun, you’re more likely to find more reasons to do it and less excuses not to. Maybe the problem with people who are trying to lose weight and get fit is: they treat fitness too seriously. I can tell you that having fun while doing the workout is not a sin. Quite the contrary, it distracts you from the pain and takes your mind off tiredness and straining exercises. We all face obstacles in pursuing our goals, whether they’re personal or professional. But if we confront them with a light sense of humor life gets much easier. This is why I have looked for some funny fitness quotes to show you that fitness can be fun. Perhaps qutoes will help you loosen things up a bit for you. Maybe they will even invigorate your spirit, stir up your motivation and keep you on the »funny« track. I believe that your fitness should be social. Therefore, find the exercise you love, mingle and have fun. And next time when you hit the gym have in mind that comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.“I decided to take an aerobics class. But by the time I got my tights on. Unless there are three other people.” - Orson Welles. Sweat is fat crying. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, “If we’re going to charge $1. Rita Rudner. Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps. Anonymous. The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back. Jones“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side- stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!” - Author Unknown“People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem.” - Chris Adams“I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.” – Marsha Doble. If swimming is such a good way to stay in shape; Explain whales. That’s why I’m there. It’s like a funeral for my fat. Now I am two separate gorillas. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers. I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. May not sound like much, but there’s only so many times you can hit the snooze button- Unknown“Whatever doesn’t kill me. When I hear that I think, yeah, that’s the problem.” - Chris Adams. Dolly Parton: “I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”Henry Sambrooke Leigh: “If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.”Andy Rooney: “The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!”“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.” – Unknown. Accidentally consumed five biscuits when I wasn’t paying attention. Those biscuits are wily fellows. They leap in like sugary ninjas.” – Charles Dickens. I was just wondering how skinny I’d be if I had to pedal to keep the computer on? They’re wrong because a woman’s only dream is to eat a lot without getting fat.” – Unknown“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M& M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. But when I do, I make sure everyone on Facebook knows about it. I call it Bacardio. Lets try not to mix up the two like you did last year, ok. They should keep them in the kitchen. I think I’d feel guilty eating bag of Oreos if I knew scale is watching me. Like happiness and perfect abs. Me? A procrastinator? I’ll prove you wrong someday. Just you wait and see. I was going to quit my all my bad habits. I really was. But then it occured to me that no one likes a quitter! It took a lot of will power, but I finally gave up dieting. One of the hardest meals for me to limit myself is the one from Halloween till New Years. What do I think about when I workout? Sometimes I fantasize about the world where I’m the ruler, chocolate makes you lose weight and everything is 9. Here’s a list of everyone who has lost weight by sitting on the couch watching the Biggest Loser. I did lose five pounds this week, but found it in the refrigerator this weekend. Your motivational workout quotes annoy me so much I’m rebelling and have decided to remain lazy and slightly overweight.“.
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